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The Parental Auto-pilot

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20100920

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The Parental Auto-pilot




..... fabulous creation really that is part years of practice and part natural talent, now, unless you have the patience of a saint I very much doubt there is a parent alive who hasn't used the "parent auto-pilot" mode. Children are inquisitive creatures by nature and this usually equates to constant non-stop talking, in the case of my children it starts the second they wake till the very moment they drop off, and, if they obviously haven't got their word quota in for the day, they may even resort to talking in their sleep as well just for good measure. Now after hour 3 of this you brain is usually in crisis talks with the rest of your body trying to talk it out of running screaming into the street with 2 pencils up your nose, a pair of underpants on your head and screaming "WIBBLE" as loud as you can (ahhhhh Blackadder goes Forth, comedy genius!), and sadly disappearing to the pub for an hour while leaving them to talk to the cat is highly frowned upon by social services and apparently the RSPCA too!
This is where the "parent Auto-pilot" comes in, now this is very different from those parents who purely ignore their children and pray that either A. they will just raise themselves or B. the neighbours will take pity on the kids and raise the kids for them, that's just neglect. No, the parental auto-pilot is much more clever, it is that cunning ability to look as though you are listening, to nod and make suitable noises in all the right places but the MAIN part of your brain has placed up a barricade and is actually on holiday in Rio soaking up the rays! It's genius, it saves the sanity while keeping the children happy and looking like the most amazing and attentive parent ever (oh yes, I have indeed used this method on school runs, shopping trips and while TRYING to enjoy a quiet bubble bath!).
There is however one small draw back to "auto-pilot" method, when you hear the dreaded words "cant I mummy?", "didn't I mummy?" or "will you mummy?", alarm bells start ringing as you desperately try to ram your way through the that barricade to stop the auto-pilot mode saying something that you will live to regret but, nope, your too late and your brain deflates with despair as you hear those dreaded words escape your lips........"yes dear".......furiously you are trying to search the archives of your brain to see, if by any slim stretch of the imagination, you stored anything that would give you a clue to what you just agreed to, but no, nothing. So at this point you adopt the distraction technique and change the subject in the hope they will forget the topic this saving your hide again.........

NO chance!!!
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hellie
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Join date : 2009-09-19
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The Parental Auto-pilot :: Comments

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Post on Mon Sep 20, 2010 2:06 pm  baranigirl

Haha thats fab!

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Post on Mon Sep 20, 2010 2:30 pm  Lauren888

LOL!

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Post on Mon Sep 20, 2010 2:32 pm  pingucb

Very true I love you

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Post on Mon Sep 20, 2010 3:00 pm  Lynnikins

lovin' it

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Post on Mon Sep 20, 2010 10:54 pm  cassie

Omg lol I do this all the time!! And then I get to that pountehere I've just grew to something and snap out of it with a 'what!! What did you just say to me?' lol and my kids look at me confused as I was pretending to listen lol x glad it's not just me then!!!

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